Like many women, post divorce, I have been looking back at my relationships and at the men in my life.... Then having joined a dating app it has become apparent that as much as things may change they still stay the same…. Yes, trends have changed in the dating and mating game, there are many Metrosexual men and stereotypical gender roles have apparently been abandoned and yet patriarchy still seems to reign (albeit unconsciously).
I am probably still rare in that I chose very early on NOT TO PROCREATE, I have no children and want no children. I also have no desire to rear someone else's. Quite honestly, when looking at dating profiles, the childless men and especially those who have had "the snip" are a cut above the rest. A divorced man with kids never really flies solo or is FREE.... there are always complications and entanglements!
I have been astounded by how many men are single parents... a few as a result of death (becoming widowers) but many as a result of women abandoning their maternal roles and handing over the responsibility of child care to their ex husbands, and some men also of fight for custody. That to me was truly eye-opening when re-entering the dating game.
Clearly more women are “wearing the pants” and female liberation has happened…. so many women now have high flying careers and financial independence in their own rights. And many more men are becoming the caregivers and house husbands. What is the cost though, as divorce reaches epidemic proportions and kids are left in the cross-fire. How many kids fall through the cracks in a broken marriage....
Several of the men I have met on dating apps have been “trapped” into marriage as a result of and unplanned pregnancy. There are far too many "unwanted" children who spend their lives being resented. And yet, very very few men take much (if any) responsibility for preventing it. Most now say that their kids were the best thing that ever happened to them, though interestingly, almost unanimously, they say given the choice they wouldn’t do it again, and most certainly don’t want to produce any more progeny. Yet here they are on dating apps, strutting their stuff, flaunting their potency, virility and manliness yet few are savvy or man enough to man-up and have “the snip”. AND ALL THIS despite knowing there seems to be a growing trend that, in these times, the man may indeed, be the one left holding the baby....
The pill and birth control seemed to grant women freedoms and choices.... yet many women realised that they also sacrificed their figures, libido and that there are various longterm health risks associated with hormonal birth control (the Pill, patches or injections). “The loop” although it doesn't mess with hormones, is often considered uncomfortable and leads to heavier menstruation.
A surprising number of men are still reticent and resistant to using condoms. It seems the power to practice safe sex is still primarily up to the woman. Femidoms have sadly not been a popular option as they are considered uncomfortable and unromantic ...by both partners.
Still seems to me that sex education seems focused soly on empowering women to prevent pregnancy. Just because men cannot fall pregnant, doesn’t mean they have no responsibility to prevent it…. and accountability when it occurs…. it’s still often up to the maintenance courts to enforce that. Ask most men about Marie Stopes clinic and they think it is an abortion clinic.... that is the perception! Prevention is better than “cure” and Marie Stopes clinic actually offers a huge variety of sex education, as well as birth control options INCLUDING the “snip” for men.
It astounds me that more education on Vasectomy as a quick and permanent contraceptive i.e. preventing pregnancy, is almost non existent….. It is also not made easily and widely available and cost-effective. Abortions, on the other hand are much more accessible. There is even an abortion pill now that can be taken by women up to three months pregnant. A Vasectomy costs upwards of 5K but a chemical abortion costs 2K... Medical Aids should be promoting and paying for Vasectomies - hell men should receive huge bonus points for having had the snip - think what a Medical Aid would save on the ongoing medical costs of pregnancy and raising children. Our health care system is utterly overwhelmed and can’t cope.
Why are men not MANNING UP and having the snip when they don’t want children????
There are still many fears and misconceptions about male sterilization. Mention Vasectomy, men cross their legs and develop castration anxiety. This ignorance and fear really needs to be changed!
Female steriilization is a hugely expensive, painful and invasive procedure with some lasting side effects (such as hormonal disruption).
The “snip” or Vasectomy, is a simple, minor surgical procedure which acts as permanent contraception! The man’s vas deferens are cut or tied and sealed which prevents sperm from being released when the man ejaculates, thus preventing impregnation or fertilisation of a female during sexual intercourse. Most men I have asked don’t realise they can still ejaculate - the semen (which is made in the seminal vesicles and prostate gland) remain unaffected and sperm only makes up 2-5% of the ejaculate. The man will still “cum” and really won’t notice any difference in the volume. Testosterone and other male hormones continue to be produced by the Leydig cells of the testes which remain in the scrotum.
Gentlemen, by having the snip you are NOT HANDING OVER YOUR BALLS to the hairy, bra-burning feminists. Also, you won’t be trapped into a marriage or maintenance by some needy, codependent damsel in distress! The only difference after the snip, is that your “swimmers” (sperm) which are still produced by your testicles, cannot exit your body through your dick, they are instead merely broken down and reabsorbed within your body!
Due to the simplicity of the surgery, a vasectomy usually takes less than thirty minutes to complete. After a short recovery at the doctor's office (usually less than an hour), the patient is sent home to rest. Because the procedure is minimally invasive, many vasectomy patients find that they can resume their typical sexual behaviour within a week, and do so with little or no discomfort.
Overpopulation is enormous, there are a huge number of “unwanted’ children, and there aren’t enough jobs and resources to go around…. SURELY PREVENTION IS BETTER THAN CURE! Isn’t it time that men also take responsibility and become part of the solution rather than the ongoing problem?