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Alchemical Communication

  • Writer: Dido  #dare2bxtraordinary
    Dido #dare2bxtraordinary
  • Aug 2
  • 3 min read

Intimate and significant relationships are the cornerstone to our lives. Effective communication is the essential glue that creates genuine connection. A sense of belonging is one of the greatest human needs and contributes to our sense of value in the world. One-on-one authentic exchange with others is fundamental to how we feel about ourselves as well us how others feel about us. Loneliness isn't about the absence of people, but rather about the absence of authentic connection! Research is showing there is an increasing breakdown in communication between the genders and marriage and the dating game has become a quagmire of disappointment, rejection, helplessness, hopelessness and worthlessness. Addiction (including porn), suicide, infidelity or incel (involuntary celibacy), sexism, misogyny, toxic masculinity , misandry (hatred or fear of men), and other maladaptive attitudes and behaviours are on the rise. Resilience and effective coping and communication strategies are declining. AI, virtual reality and social media has made things worse, rather than better, for many. Research has shown we become the 5 people we hang out with most often. It is all about an energy exchange. Sometimes it is loving, nourishing and healthy…. But sometimes it is depleting, diminishing and unhealthy. The conversations we have with ourselves cast spells - words are made up of letters (spelling) and whether we say them aloud or whether they are internal conversations they create the expectations and ultimately the outcomes we experience  in our lives.

Mercury and a dragonfly

It is not what we say or do (despite our best intentions) but rather, HOW WE LEAVE PEOPLE FEELING. Then 2020 happened and connection got even more complicated...


We live in a traumatised and hurt society, and as we know too, HURT people, hurt others - the cycle of abuse is real. Masks and social distancing became muzzles and alienated us. We started to distrust intimacy as we distanced and avoided social contact. The suffocating separation became the 'new norm'. Marriages imploded as couples were forced to spend time together. Family dynamics were fraught as visiting aged grand parents was frowned upon and kids had to learn (and play) online. The feelings of alienation and disempowerment post Covid are still wreaking havoc on relationships and intimacy.

 

The conscious and unconscious power plays that happen during our interactions and transactions with others and the world at large, fundamentally affect our view of ourselves, as well as our world view and place in the world. Most of our B.S. (belief systems which unconsciously direct our lives) and sense of belonging (and safety/security) are formed from our earliest relationships, and experiences of the world. So much of life is about your how we are connected to others. We see ourself reflected in the eyes of another (others) and provide a mirror to those we interact with. The experiences and interactions we have often mirror our belief systems (as our previous experiences lead to beliefs and expectations). Our communication is thus alchemical, thoughts get wings and we create words (spelling)... these words cast spells which transmute and transform our relationships and reality through the reflections and ripples they send out into the universe.

 

Who we "vibe with" or align with depends on so much more than the words we choose to use. Our words account for only 7% of the communication, the tone of our voice accounts for 38% and the rest id body language (much of which is unconscious (and being unconsciously interpreted by those we communicate with).

 

Observe yourself in the context of interactions and communication and decide who it is you are, and who it is you want to be. The quality of our lives is only as good as the quality of the relationships we keep.


Some of the most important ingredients of ALCHEMICAL COMMUNICATION:

  • Building Rapport and mirroring

  • Active listening

  • Learning Unconditional positive regard and kindness as a default.

  • How to express romantic interest whilst leaving the other person feeling safe

  • Being Authentic and speaking your truth

  • Getting your message across

  • Conflict resolution

  • Identifying and clarifying any misunderstandings

  • How to identify  and debunk belief systems (around things like gender  norms, roles and traits)

  • Building rejection resilience and effective coping skills

  • Effective Closing




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