7% of communication is the actual words we use, 38% is the tone we use and the rest is body language. In this age of technology, communication has become "virtual" and "Instant" with so much lost in translation because we do not communicate face-to-face or in longhand any more - an emoji's emoticons, memes are emotions, a picture is worth a thousand words and then we are supposed when so much is lost in translation. Relationships are the cornerstone's of our lives and yet have lost the art of effective communication and the ability to relate face-to-face, negotiate and resolve misunderstandings. We say more but feel misheard. We share more, have a wider circle of friends and acquaintances but feel more isolated, lonely and misunderstood. The world has become smaller as we travel and communicate further, but we feel more alienated.
Communication is not just what you say, but how you come across, and how you are heard and how you leave somebody feeling.... It is not so much about the semantics or the actual words you choose to use, but rather, how they leave somebody feeling. Intimate communication is not about chemistry, telepathy and vibes - it is about genuine effective honest communication - that is the basis of all relationships and relating. As an ex English teacher, Creative arts (Drama) teacher and Wordsmith (Copywriter) - being the voice for people has always been less important that helping people find their own voice and empowering them to speak their truth and communicate their vision, mission and values in an authentic way. So much of empowering people is about teaching them effective communication methods. The ability to actively listen is as important as being able to find one's own vice and share one's own message in a way that is meaningful. By learning to become responsive and attuned to others, rather than reactive and triggered by others . Just as we see the world not as it is but as we are.... the same is true for how we hear/ accept/ internalise (or dismiss) what is communicated and how we receive life's menages and lessons....often, It is not what is said as much as how it leave's us feeling.... Learning how to communicate is an essential Life Skill. It is important in both one's career success/ business and in intimate relationships/friendships. When we learn to become proactive and genuine, when we communicate with respect, tolerance and open-mindedness, rather than being defensive or reactive, we develop rapport and people then want to understand what it is we are authentically trying to communicate. As an ex-educator/ lecturer and as a relationship transformational coach, Helping people find their voices and learn to be heard, understood and communicate effectively is something I relish. Not only does the individual transform but so does the family, community and society at large. Communication styles and habits are often passed down through generations and the cycle of abuse, neglect, misunderstanding and belief systems or expectations get passed on. We assume they are entrenched personality traits rather than realising they are communication styles and habits that have become entrenched, and painful past leaning is often passed on and becomes a family's legacy. Sadly we so often repeat the same patterns of communication that have the same outcomes instead of changing how we communicate and listen and build rapport, trust and respect. It is worth learning different ways of relating to different people or in order to get different outcomes with the same people, instead of having that same "fight" over and over ad nauseam. We simply need to have some tools and learn some tricks and develop resilience, flexibility, adaptability, good negotiation and conflict resolution skills.