This post is for my female clients and subscribers who are peri-menopausal or menopausal, from my heart and a place of integrity and good intentions.This is my personal experience and so, if it’s irrelevant, please ignore this post. Please respect I am making myself vulnerable by exposing this, so please treat this post with kindness and compassion. As my late dad would say: “If you have nothing kind to say, say nothing at all”
Let's start off first with the back story. I suffered a rather protracted heartbreaking end to an almost 2year relationship. I am always focused on doing my shadow work and learning the lessons in everything - after all this journey is spiritual and all about our soul’s growth. Processing is never easy, since one unfortunately often goes through the naming (as in labelling), shaming and blaming stage. At first you project it onto the other and then internalise it. Of course, this does not serve anyone!!!
I became what lay people would call “schizo”…. now was that because I felt so unsure of both him and myself in the relationship and landed up rehashing. all of the interactions, transactions and conversations after the "honeymoon period ended" …. yes I would say that played some part. We really seemed like the perfect match and somewhere during the honeymoon period we had both thought it was a “match made in heaven”… but it proved to be too good to be true. Disappointment results from expectations (however well-meaning or hopeful those "dreams" may seem).
As I did my shadow work, I realised that I had to be accountable and responsible for my own role (we can only be in control of our own thoughts, feelings and behaviours). I had to be brutally honest with myself. He anyway had offered no explanation or closure which left me floundering for answers, and he'd made it clear that none would be forthcoming. All I could turn to were my own insights and awareness and most especially, expanding my consciousness in order to find answers. (One cannot be subjective and trapped in one's own Ego- such a limiting place).
Then it came to me… my moods had been all over the place in latter months of our relationship. I was hyper-sensitive, and much more reactive. The big thing in soul searching is always is to find objective perspective. Just be Loving Awareness when looking at traumatic and highly triggering experiences…. stuck in your ego and trapped in your pain, you keep defaulting into victimhood and the naming, shaming and blaming game.
I looked at what had been changing most during the relationship, that had turned it so toxic… Apart from the honeymoon period being over, I realised my lifestyle had done an 180degree turn. My veganism had become vegetarianism, my exercise had become negligible, and my diet was terrible - so many meals of wining and dining and also far too many meals. Before this, intermittent fasting (one meal a day) was my natural way of life, and dining out very infrequent! We were snacking too much, and drinking too much - prior to this snacking was never my thing and drinking was very moderate. The habits became a lifestyle for me - my shopping list became ridiculous in terms of unhealthy and processed food, drinks and snacks. I had become fat and lazy with horrible habits. I started having a drink, sometimes even two, much more regularly. You are what you consume…. I had become toxic!
Hope this is not over-share, but during the second year of the relationship my sex drive was waning and both lubrication and tightening of my vagina had became an issue - for my man who had a healthy libido and whose love language was touch, this had become an issue. I was also putting on weight and looking (and feeling) unattractive. I started doing research and more research. I also then developed hot flashes. I realised I had (rather smugly) sailed through being peri-menopausal and when my periods ceased, I was overjoyed.
As I researched, I realised to my surprise, every symptom I’d noticed, is an indicator of Menopause. My emotional lability (mood swings) and my physical issues are a result of depleted hormones.I am not a fan of Big Pharma and Allopathic medicine, so HRT is never going to be an option. It became blatantly clear that boyfriend lifestyle and the habits learned and adopted, had created a toxic monster!!!
Post break up, my focus has become letting go of everything that no longer serves me. Yes, of course that includes all the baggage that comes with a break up - all the toxic emotions…the guilt, regret, anger, blame (including self-blame) …but it also includes a radical change in my lifestyle, and letting go of all the toxic habits and foods that don’t serve me. I learned from my research that there are absolutely amazing ways to mitigate the symptoms of Menopause and reverse ageing and prevent disease. Best of all, I realised that my moods and mental well-being would all see a dramatic improvement very quickly. My research led me to realising, that the best route of repair was the very one that had prevented me getting any peri-menopausal symptoms, and had kept me fit and lean and happy throughout my life . Not as much the Veganism (personally that serves me), but definitely the intermittent fasting and overall healthy lifestyle. I am no expert in the science and medicine of fasting (oddly, initially it had always been more instinctual than intentional. I do seem I lose myself, and get out of touch with my good instincts and intuition in my relationships. So I would rather briefly share the brilliant science with you so that you can go on your own learning curve, if it's relevant and helpful. I highly recommend Dr Mindy Pelz’s book: The Menopause Reset (also please look her up on YouTube <https://www.youtube.com/@DrMindyPelz> she has so many free videos and resources that can help you!) including <https://resetacademy.drmindypelz.com/menopause-survival-guide> and <https://resetacademy.drmindypelz.com/lm-fasting-101> .Here's an excellent video for both men and women, not on Menopause specifically, but on reversing ageing and disease <https://youtu.be/wGrWznkQWpE?si=rWWwVpaMX27LMrfc> and <https://youtu.be/yaWVflQolmM?si=S2HJSY_qIVcS-DX3> May these empower you as much as they have me!!!
So, in conclusion, for me 2024 is all about letting go of everything that doesn’t serve my health and well-being, and to continue all I can to be of service to my followers and clients for the highest and greatest good of all!