Ever find yourself clinging to a dead-end relationship with an emotionally unavailable partner?
Ask yourself what it is in you that needs this relationship so badly…. Sometimes it is the fear of abandonment or loneliness, a fear of being wounded or rejected. Yet we most certainly know that there is nothing lonelier than being in a one-sided non-reciprocal relationship.
Sometimes it is the excitement of the chase and believing that you will transform this relationship through your own persistence, consistency, dedication and love. Sometimes it is recognising that your partner is wounded and perhaps even incapable of a mature, nurturing relationship and you fear abandoning them and adding to the overload of baggage they are already dragging…. We often ignore the warning signs and our gut instincts at our own peril and find ourselves stuck in unsupportive, unfulfilling relationships where we atrophy just to avoid feeling rejected, unworthy and unloved or to avoid being the one to cut the cord of codependency and unhealthy attachment.
We need to LISTEN, really listen, not just to what they say and how it leaves us feeling, but to our own instincts and intuition!
Believe them when they say: …they can’t commit
…they aren’t ready
…they like you but…
Often the chase and challenge is titilating and exhilarating but the games, chaos and often infidelity that ensues leaves you feeling invisible, diminished and unsupported and results in heartache and heartbreak.
One needs to find a healthy balance between self interest and empathy - only then do both people find self worth and fulfilment in a relationship.
You have the capacity to take back your power and own your worth....To face your vulnerability and courage and then choose to step into the arena of the right relationship that acknowledges and respects your sacrifices, loyalty, commitment and faith, and mirrors it, rather than tramples on it!
Toxic relationships, emotional vampires, gaslighting narcissists only remind you how weak and insignificant you are- you cannot change them or save them (or anyone, except yourself). “If you look into the abyss the abyss also looks into you”.
Rather radiate your love to someone who has your back, has your best interests at heart and is emotionally capable of effortlessly reflecting your love back . The wounded, damaged, cynical, jaded and betrayed ones need a therapist or coach, not a lover.
A relationship built on need fosters codependency and when two people become one person, all that remains is two stunted. stuck half people.
It’s time to stop setting yourself up for failure, because each time you have another painful or failed relationship, it takes from your own divinity, dignity, self respect and self worth.... the more that happens the less you feel you deserve and the more you compromise and sacrifice in the next relationship….and so you embark on a series of failed relationships which sets up a pattern, habit and even expectation….
We are self fulfilling prophecies and become the stories we tell ourselves most often. What we be believe we achieve, where focus goes energy flows. If you seek out damaged, wounded, cynical friends and lovers you can’t be surprised when they hurt or betray you- Hurt people hurt others. Ultimately you will lose your shine and become jaded and just another hurt person out there hurting others.
There is no Hero/ Heroine coming to save you either! Raise your standards, be the lover and friend you wish to attract, and never accept less than you deserve. Show up in your friendships and relationships from a place of divinity and power, not neediness or wantiness.
Connection is a transaction, unconditional love is an idealised illusion. “What you seek is seeking you” and you will thus manifest the friendships and lovers you are and deserve.
Change starts with you- if you ARE (the embodiment of) LOVE you don’t NEED to find love, it will seek you in abundance. But do not settle for less than you deserve and desire! For someone else to be worthy, you need to be deserving of their worth, and for you to be worthy of their love, they in turn need to recognise your value! Why not adopt this affirmation/ mantra: "I am so happy and appreciative that I AM LOVE, and have the love and lover, relationships and friends, I desire and deserve". Add potency to it by imagining you DO already have it, feel what it feels like in the here and now to already be that lover and have that love... imagine using your 5 senses, how it tastes, smells, feels, looks, sounds, right now! Repeat several times a day! Be Love! Be Loved!💗